Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize