Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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