This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
