put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
