so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
