can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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