doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
