Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
