I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
either way he was missing a nipple.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
