Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
