You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
