No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
be right there i have to get my cape
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize