Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
