my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
