Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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