I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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