I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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