My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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