Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
