$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
