This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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