JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
