I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
