She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
