Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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