I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
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All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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