Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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