Your mouth is God's brothel.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
