The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
