I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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