i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
