She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
