Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
