he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
