I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
