Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Randomize