so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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