I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
