i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
