I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
