Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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