farters have to be the big spoon...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
