What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
