Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Boobs speak an international language.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
