He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
