my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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