Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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