My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
