The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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