That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
