he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
