I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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