i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
