In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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