3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
