He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I am one with the molecules
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
