I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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