hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
