u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
