okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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