I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
