my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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