I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
