I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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