is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
