My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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