I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
