I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
