So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
