I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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