I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
