We won't sleep together?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
