google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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