You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
