She is in my trunk
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
It's just like the Real World with babies
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
