I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize