her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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