Are we in a gay sports bar?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
