Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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