2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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