I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
