i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
