do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
