Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
