Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
