my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
