i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
