I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
the liver wants what the liver wants
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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