My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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