i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
