We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
