There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
