I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
