Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Randomize
