Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
